A goodbye.

General area, introduction to the game and chat area.

A goodbye.

by Kalem December 12th, 2018, 10:14 am
My goodbye.

Yeah yeah, you’re glad I’m gone, blah blah blah. But, let me explain that I wasn’t always an asshole and things that led up to this boiling point of frustration.

Jump on steam, look at your playtimes, now I know these are hardly accurate. Especially for me when playing games like Fallout NV, or Fallout 4, where most of my playtime is offline because of mods. But what are your three longest playtimes?

For me, Mount and Blade Warband, Crusader Kings II, and Fallout NV.

What did you do with the time you invested?

In Mount and Blade Warband, I’ve lived dozens of lives. One playthrough I did nothing but trade, buy land in cities, and only fought bandits. One playthrough, I played as a woman and became queen of Swadia. I’ve been a fledgling lord of my own small empires, some that were crushed under the tides of enemies, while others, I have conquered the world. I got married, built empires, made friends, enemies, and when I play Mount and Blade and engage with the characters I remember the bitter enemies, the loyal vassals and my good friends.

In Crusader Kings II I’ve made kingdoms, empires, I’ve even taken England, Brittany, and Normandy with reformed pagans, and waited two hundred years for the game to end just so I could upload it into EUIV with Anglo-Saxon-Norman Pagan Vikings who founded American AND Australia.

How many hours is that? Four hundred or five hundred? Maybe only two fifty?

What would have happened if you put over a thousand hours into a game?

How about thousands? Over seven years?

What are your memorable moments in DW?

I mean, I was there when Jenova got killed.
I was there when for wraiths, metroids, space pirates, covenant, star wars...
I was there for a lot of stuff.

What was memorable that my characters in their thousands of hours of playtime?

Oh, Tief turned Energy Weapons into Retrofits.

… That only took a month. And then nine months of waiting, and I then became a GM and help finish it off.


What have I accomplished after -years- at DW? I’ve made some friends. Friends that mean everything to me, guys and girls that I have come back to this game a dozen times over to play with.

What have my characters accomplished? … They made some kickass weaponry, a few kick-ass vehicles. And that’s it.

So yeah.

My stints at DW have been long and short, some happy, some full of frustration. When I relax, and I don’t strive for anything particular, the game’s alright. I avoid going on missions, and I just RP with legends like Packie, Tony, Jamie, Amber.

Things are pretty cool. Then I think, you know, I should invest more. I start going on missions, I start thinking about running my own. I start statting hunting grounds, rewards, I begin reviewing stuff I see to see if people are doing things correctly. I start GMing, even when I don’t want the title, or to do it.

And things inevitably go to shit.

Things stall and stagnate. I get lied to.

I’ll give you this arbitrary five digit number tomorrow. Tuesday. Thursday. Weekend. Tuesday. Thursday. Weekend. Next week. Three months later. I drop that project, I start something else.

I create something to go into the game. It’s only three paragraphs. I send it to Craig.

Tuesday. Thursday. Weekend. Tuesday. Thursday. Weekend. Next week. Three months later. I drop that project, I start something else.

I create something, Craig -promises- to review. I wait. Craig says he read it. I nod. Craig says he’s read it again but needs a day to consider. I wait. A week later. Craig says he’ll read it.

Three months later. Packie tells me “Oh, Craig said you can’t do this part of it, otherwise it looks fine.”

I tell Packie I know.

Packie asks “You put that in there just so you knew when he read it, didn’t you?”

I’ve been a player, I’ve been a designer, I’ve been a GM, I’ve relegated myself from not GMing. But it all comes down to this. Thousands of hours, watching the game.

What do I get for my investment, what has become of my time.

I have a character that arms and armours others, while being able to fight herself. Who is constantly put to shame despite being one of the best equipped and skilled characters?.

She was a hero that fought Jenova.

But, you know who could kill Jenova? One Random Mordor Orc.

The heroes that slay Gods, Dragons, and forces of cosmic order? Not even as powerful as an orc.

Where’s the achievement? Where’s the growth, the progression?

There is no growth because the enemy will always be better than you. No matter how insignificant. There’s no progress because the goal is always moved further away. While projects that aren’t already statted are all but ignored for months to years.

I have written, I have designed, I have created, for this game.

And now that I’m walking away after -thousands- of hours, alls I can feel is relief that I’m not spending any more of my time here.

So, I apologise for my frustration in the last few weeks, but I hope this goes to explain just why I was so torn.

Special shout-outs to Amber, Jamie, Lana, Packie, Tony.

You are the ones that made this game special for me. Take away all the numbers, the dice, and just leave the role play and it was amazing.

Dae, Kris, Shaun, are all good players that I probably didn’t spend as much time with as I should have but have a quality all their own.

Especially you Dae. Bro-Dragon forever.

As for when it comes to GMs.

Tony gets props for being the man in charge, for often taking the horns and directing, and smashing out key pieces of various projects on his own.

Packie, the Crafts Master general and systems man. He was often my counterpart when I was working on something and there’s never a better partner.

Lana, the goddess of the monster hunts.

And with that, this rocket cunt is blasting off again~!
The Raven; Nevermore.
July 4th, 2009, 4:46 am

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