Missy

Introspective posts based on a character's experience of almost getting transformed into a heartless. 1-5 exp based on posts.
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Missy

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Post by Xarat »

Betrayal. The first wave was a cold, terrible betrayal as it hit me. I had given my life to protecting their memory, not knowing they were merely laughing at me when I didn't see. All the years I mourned for him, when in fact I should not have grieved at all. Why. Why would this happen to me. I feel empty and cold inside, let down by the ones I once held so dear to my heart. All those years wasted. I should have done so much more. The figure standing over me, laughing as he lay siege to me, determined to tear my flesh from me and destroy my mind. How could this come to be. I feel myself reaching up towards him, begging and pleading. This cannot be so, he is my father and I love him. Why would he do this.

Rage was the next wave, a burning white hot pain searing through me. I should have seen the lies, the betrayals. I should have stopped it long ago, killed it in it's tracks. They would be safe and the evil that came to them would be no more. There is much evil in the world, I've seen it first hand. I've lived it. I had to go to the depths to understand the disgusting disease which cripples this world. He killed those most dear, I was right to kill back. A life for a life, that is fair. He didn't deserve the quick death I brought upon him, no. He deserved to suffer as he made me suffer, be caused pain as he caused me pain. He escaped too easily. Justice was not fulfilled. I see myself now facing another once held dear to me. I watch the bullets flying and there is a moment of calm as I don't really perceive the truth yet. Suddenly the world speeds back up and I see him laying there. Anger burns me. This was my doing. I killed him, as surely as if I had pulled the trigger myself. I brought him here. I brought him here to die, because I wanted to purge the disease. It doesn't matter now, because they are dead too. I've done my duty, the disease is purged. Their life for his, that's how it works.

Despair followed quickly after, a cold sickening feeling that washed away the burning heat of rage. So many lives. All at my hands, these hands. I stare down at my hands, soaking with blood which drips to the floor, reminding me of my sins. Their deaths were all on me. I killed them. I didn't do the duties I swore to do, I did not protect them. It should have been me. My life is forfeit. The gun is in my hand again, as all the faces flash up in front of me. Nameless faces I have taken the life from. People surely with familes as I once had, but I took that from them. So many faces, and then there is his face once more. The serene appearance of my mother, my brother soon after. I reach for them, and I call out to them, but they don't hear me. Falling to my knees, I bring my blood soaked hands to my face and I weep for their loss. Their loss at my hands. .

A numbing calm washes over soon after, and I am still. I feel nothing any more, no anger, no despair, I am ready to accept my fate. There is nothing I have left worth fighting for, this is the end. I am ready. Throwing my arms out, I descend into the darkness surrounding me. This is my time

Falling. I'm falling. I know what lies at the bottom, and I am ready to accept it.

A face. Someone I know, someone dear.

I reach out a hand towards him. I'm sorry but I have to leave you now. He shouts back to me but I can't hear the words. I'm still falling, and he grows smaller as I fall further.

Wait.

I'm not ready yet. Something ignites within the deepest recesses of my being. STOP! I'm not ready yet! You can't take me yet!

Still reaching out for him, a new feeling crashes into me.

Hope. I am filled with the bright warmth of hope, and it renews me. There is still so much I have to do. I have to be with him, he needs me and I need him. I can't leave him to his fate, we are in this together. They need me. They need my protection. I can still save them, I know I can. My duty is not yet fulfilled to them. My friends. I see brief glimpses of faces I know, people reaching down to me and shouting. I can't hear them but I know what they want. They want me. They need me.

I struggle against the endless darkness. There's a light. I feel the warm hope pushing me ever closer to it. I will live! I will continue to fight for them! This is my life.

Pushing back through the bleak darkness, I am here. I will not give up so easily! You will not take me. I am free.
Xarat
Posts: 17
Joined: October 24th, 2008, 7:39 pm

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